I miss him every single day. I miss him when i can see him and when i can’t. But when i can’t see him, i’m okay. I can go through days of not seeing him. I still can smile and be happy. But everytime i see him again, i fall in love. And i don’t care if he loves me or not. It’s a strange feeling!
In my mind, i visualize doing romantic things to the guy i love, but my logic reminds me that it’s no use to be that romantic to someone who i don’t know whether he’ll be my future husband or not. Better i save my romanticism for my future husband. He’ll be the first guy who holds my hand, hugs me and does all the romantic things all loving couples do.
Why i named him as “The Guy I Love Most (Currently)”
Because i’m not sure if i will always love him or i may meet my future husband next month or he may hurt me so bad until i don’t care about him anymore or time erases him from my mind.
At this point, i just try hard to believe in Allah and HIS decisions. It hurts everytime i remember “The guy i love most (currently)” and the possibility i can’t see him anymore in the future, but i have to have faith in Allah’s will. I know HE loves me and will give me another guy, if “the guy i love most (currently)” is not my future husband.
What do they call it? Having an unrequited love with “The guy i love most (currently)” to the point i don’t care anymore whether he loves me back or not, i can see him everyday or not, we will take separate way or not.
"Islam didn’t make it Haram for you to fall in love. It didn’t forbid you from wanting someone. It only guides that love so it protects you, her, your families and especially saves you from humiliation on judgment day. If you love her so much, why are you ok with letting her engage in this questionable relationship knowing full well that she will have to answer Allah just like you will. You don’t love her enough to save her from that?"